As a transracial adoptee, I’ve longed to find and meet my birth mother. When I gave birth to my first child, my son, I felt the connection between myself and my own birth mother strengthen and a link of empathy open between us. My daughter was born right before lockdown from COVID. Since the virus was first reported in Wuhan, my thoughts have been there. Has my birth family survived? If they were alive, have they now been killed by this virus? Even if they’re still alive, the isolation of lockdown stirred a strong sense of loss for them. I feel great anxiety that I’m now too late. In Lieu of Flowers is my own mourning and loss of a family I might never know.